Saturday, July 26, 2008

Words Fail Us, Redux




In case you didn't know, this is a photo of D-List Party Babe Tara Reid with Extra! correspondent Jerry Penacoli. A few things surprise us about this photograph.


1) Tara is not in a bikini which reveals her plastic-surgery-gone-horribly-wrong.


2) Tara is not falling down drunk.


3) Jerry Penacoli has not lived up to our adolescent fantasies.


Let us explain that last one.


Picture it: Connecticut, 1987-1990. A mother and son bond over a burgeoning fad called cable television. In particular, a Lifetime talk show which appeals mainly to suburban mothers and their gayling sons, called Attitudes. It stars the formidable Linda Dano, a daytime diva who combines Lucille Ball timing with Joan Crawford fierceness. Her co-hosts are of the vapid, giggly blond variety--first the reserved Nancy Glass, then the proto-Kelly Ripa Dee Kelly. (Who we always sort of liked, when we didn't want to slap her.)


And then came Jerry.


If we didn't realize we were gay beforehand, we knew it when we saw Jerry. Charming, handsome, muscular, tanned, hairy Jerry.


He was the first (and last) male co-host of Attitudes. As much as we hate to admit it, perky Dee was probably the best foil for Linda Dano's intense charisma, and the show pretty much went downhil after her tearful farewell appearance (mom and I cried, too, as I recall). With Jerry onboard, we got a nice glimpse of some cheesecake on the comeback trail, a la Vanessa Williams -- in Jerry's case, a promising career on local Philadelphia news came to a screeching halt in 1985 when a (fictional) rumor involving him, a gerbil, his rectum, and the emergency room spread faster than the same damn rumor about Richard Gere.


To Jerry's credit, he lived down that indignity to host a national talk show, and then, eventually, become a long-term member of the Extra! staff, for which we applaud him. And he's still attractive, in that odd "I wouldn't turn down David Copperfield or Simon Cowell if I were really drunk" kind of way.


If you watch Extra! (and you know you do!), that's how you know Jerry -- as a deteriorating pretty boy with tortured hair -- but, oh, if you could only have seen him on Attitudes in 1990. You would swoon, my dears, simply swoon. Here he is, looking fab (if slightly-big-haired..a harbinger of things to come):


8 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Bay Bee. How hunky, those big, big hands. Lucky the gerbil that breached that back gate.

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  3. omg!
    Attitudes!

    My mother and I bonded too, over its earliest incarnation, with Linda Dano and the completely whitebread Nancy Glass
    I pretty much watched all through its many changes.

    I remember Jerry.
    I liked Jerry.
    (My feelings about Linda Dano, however, are more complicated. Mixed in are affection and fear somewhere.)
    My mother was always being complimented (?) on looking like her, so that might be part of it.

    Anyway, back to Jerry....I will never not be able to think about him and not think of that gerbil now. Not necessarily a complaint, by the way.

    Still, I can get behind Jerry... then, and heck, even now...(that voice...mmmm)....but I'll have to draw the line at David Copperfield.

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  4. I didn't say I was *proud* of the fact that I'd probably give it up for DC, but in my defense, it would have to be after at least 3 martinis and 4 mixed drinks, plus maybe a shot.

    Mom and I *loved* Linda Dano. We even watched her on "Another World," as the fabulous Felicia Gallant!

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  5. Loved Attitudes back in the day.

    Poor Jerry...looking a little rough these days. But he was hot then.

    My feelings changed about Linda Dano when she stopped wearing that stupid curl in the middle of her forehead. Remember it used to be her trademark?
    As I said my feelings changed but not sure which way.

    I understand your fear Jason. It's almost like she could devour one with those eyes and teeth!

    The video clip is hilarious. Jerry describes this beautiful girl and out comes this deranged circus performer escaped from the mental ward. Thank Buddha she disappeared into oblivion.

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  6. I always thought Linda looked like the fictional love child of Lucy and Joan Crawford; her comic mugging reminded me a lot of Lucy, actually.

    "Jerry describes this beautiful girl and out comes this deranged circus performer escaped from the mental ward. Thank Buddha she disappeared into oblivion." That actually made me laugh out loud, Dray!

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  7. I know.
    I didn't want to even type "Khrystyne (sp?) Haje's (sp?)" stupid name...
    but, seriously, what was up with her?

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